1. When you take traffic school, you can do it online, instead of soaking up the precious light of the clear blue sky’s sunshine that you’ll see how many times in your life, realistically?
2. Traffic school, unlike sampling the perfume made of the flower of your youth, lets you autosave your work so you can go back anytime and finish learning about failure to yield.
3. By taking traffic school, you can get your ticket dismissed, instead of your doubts as the third drink goes to your head and that redhead’s hips start swinging.
4. Your insurance rates won’t go up if you take traffic school, and neither will your pulse as you suppress the rhythm and the music of your living body before an ocean of desires.
5. Points on your driving record can add up over time if you don't take traffic school, like the moments of your life you’ll never get back again as you wait for the timer to elapse.
6. In traffic school, you can acquire practical skills that can make you a better, safer driver, instead of a facial tic as you wonder how long this will take and is it really worth it? Is my life so small?
7. Traffic school can help you correct bad habits you may have accrued from years of complacency, like not being able to spot a totally obvious speed trap.
8. If you take traffic school from a state-approved online provider, no one can hear you scream.
9. Traffic school beats a third date any day.
10. You can take traffic school voluntarily to receive a reduction in your insurance premiums, as well as in the esteem of your peers.
11. In most states, going more than 25 mph over the limit makes you ineligible for traffic school if they manage to catch you.
12. When you finish traffic school, you can get your Certificate of Completion shipped overnight, and many liquor stores offer same-day delivery.