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Widely Missed Connections

​Me, a wailing mother. You, the gunner on the Jeep. Am I crazy or did that eye contact actually mean something??

You were making my sandwich at Subway and you didn't wear gloves. Were you trying to get close to me?

We shared a ride last Thursday...you put my oxygen mask on? How bout a coffee?

I saw your bumper sticker, and I honked. Are we gonna fuck or what?

I keep seeing you at the mall, but none of my friends believe anything's there. Blink and I'll know you're alive. And do you think they have that shirt in off-white? I'm an autumn.

You smiled at me. I looked away because I was shy, not because I wasn't interested. But just to be clear...if I get the brake light fixed, the fine is void, right?

You asked me point blank to tell you how I felt about you, and I stupidly kept it clean. But I'm not just a member of your cabinet...I'm a woman.

To the auburn-haired waitress with the laughing eyes at the cafe on 3rd...you have only to ask, my secret, and I'll tip over twelve percent.

We met briefly on the train...I saw the concert program peeking out of your purse and asked if it was for the Brahms series. We chatted amiably about the current opera season...I may have sounded a bit opinionated about the Les Troyens production. Can you buy me and my friends some beer?

I'm probably just imagining things, but to the only other survivor of the shipwreck: I think I may have noticed you noticing me. Collaborate on a fishing spear?

My analyst says I only seek out unavailable men, but there was just something about you in that storm trooper costume at Comic Con exiting gate B-9 at 3:42 pm on Saturday - I screen captured the security footage. Did you feel it too?

We spent the night together, but when I woke up, I guess you got scared off. Please give me another chance. I don't blame you...It's not the morgue attendant's responsibility to certify death. And I don't think this door opens from the inside.

8/18/2017