{fiction}
In an historical circumstance that is somehow not the fantasy of a toddler, modern civilization appears to operate by burning old dinosaurs.
‘You put the dinosaur juice in the magic box and it goes,’ is the actual explanation, in defiance of every sober-minded instinct for how the universe might work. ‘It's also how we make ships go, and planes, and make the soup hot, and turn the lights on.’
Dinosaurs, the magnificent creatures who inhabited our planet a hundred times longer than human beings have existed, were wiped out by a giant rock from outer space. Then, their dead bodies got squashed under the earth. And after millions of years of unfathomable geological pressure and heat, it all turned into this black goop you can suck up with a giant straw.
You just put it in stuff, light it up, and watch it go!
So when we found the places with all the magic dinosaur juice, we were so eager to suck it up we started wars and killed people with big machines that run on it. We even invented whole countries - like Disneyland for dinosaur bones!
That's actually what happened.
It's not just cars and wars and countries. Once touched by Man with the Promethean gift of fire, the dead animals' time-wrecked bones could be worn as ski jackets, used to carry water, and account for the revenues of seven of the world's top ten corporations. You can even fly over a canyon in a rocket pack!
Moreover, for reasons that surpass our mortal grasp of the vicissitudes of irony, it has long been understood that the dinosaur bones we burn are slowly making the world too hot to stand.
‘It's like some God-awesome joke,’ it would be heartbreakingly accurate to say. ‘What killed the humans? The Dinosaurs!’
‘You put the dinosaur juice in the magic box and it goes,’ is the actual explanation, in defiance of every sober-minded instinct for how the universe might work. ‘It's also how we make ships go, and planes, and make the soup hot, and turn the lights on.’
Dinosaurs, the magnificent creatures who inhabited our planet a hundred times longer than human beings have existed, were wiped out by a giant rock from outer space. Then, their dead bodies got squashed under the earth. And after millions of years of unfathomable geological pressure and heat, it all turned into this black goop you can suck up with a giant straw.
You just put it in stuff, light it up, and watch it go!
So when we found the places with all the magic dinosaur juice, we were so eager to suck it up we started wars and killed people with big machines that run on it. We even invented whole countries - like Disneyland for dinosaur bones!
That's actually what happened.
It's not just cars and wars and countries. Once touched by Man with the Promethean gift of fire, the dead animals' time-wrecked bones could be worn as ski jackets, used to carry water, and account for the revenues of seven of the world's top ten corporations. You can even fly over a canyon in a rocket pack!
Moreover, for reasons that surpass our mortal grasp of the vicissitudes of irony, it has long been understood that the dinosaur bones we burn are slowly making the world too hot to stand.
‘It's like some God-awesome joke,’ it would be heartbreakingly accurate to say. ‘What killed the humans? The Dinosaurs!’
5/10/13
